With the economy plunging, an Illinois political scandal brewing, and the Middle East igniting (again), this seems a rather ridiculous time for the media to be putting so much time, energy and precious column inches into analyzing Caroline Kennedy’s speech patterns. But hey — like, you know…this is supposed to be a slow news week, you know?
You know, it’s that time of year traditionally reserved for “best and worst moments of 2008” fluff stuff and election retrospectives, you know, and we just think that…well, you know, maybe this year the media should be like, paying more attention to what’s going on in the world, you know. Because it’s not like any other year, you know, when We The Media can take a nice long nap between December 23 and January 2, because, you know, there’s like nothing going on, anyway…
No, this year, you know, we’re like, facing the greatest domestic economic crisis since the Great Depression, you know. While we were sleeping, the robber barons of Wall St. made out like bandits and left the American people holding the…you know….the bag, or whatever. Israel and Palestine are teetering on the brink of all-out war; and so are…like, India and Pakistan, you know. While our incoming President-elect is preparing to take the oath of in 21 days, our outgoing lame duck is passing out pardons like party hats in Times Square, and you know, somebody ought to be like, keeping an eye on him.
But you know, the press in this country really can’t be, you know, bothered with those uh, political things, because they’re too….like…you know, uh, political or something.
Besides, it’s a lot more fun to make fun of the way Caroline Kennedy um, talks…you know?
46 “you knows” in 5 minutes, they say. (Or was it 138 “you knows”? Who knows? And who really cares?) You know, like, this is really um, scientific because people actually sit around counting them, you know. And they’re very like, um, accurate and stuff, you know.
Don’t you think that maybe, um….you know, this is all, you know, just a little bit ridiculous?
Well, you know, whatever. Maybe we’ll finally, like, see some real..you know…change in our government next year. We can only hope that Caroline Kennedy will be, you know, a part of that wave of change in Washington because, God knows (like YOU know) we… like, really need it, you know?
All that being said (well, sort of – did anything I just wrote make any kind of, you know, sense?), we just want to like, say THANK YOU for another great year at the RFK Jr. for President website, and um, you know, we hope to see you all back here again, you know, in 2009 to carry forward our mission, because we still, you know, really want Bobby to run for…you know, President in 2012 or 2016. And we’re gonna…like, seriously you know, need your help.
And Caroline, we just want you to know (even if you already DO know) that we’re like, um, totally going to support you if, you know, Governor Paterson gives you that senate seat. Hey, we’re RFK Jr.’s crowd; the guys and gals who are always reminding folks that, you know, how Bobby talks doesn’t matter — what he says does. We’re always asking people to try and overlook his vocal disability and just like, listen to the issues he’s, you know, um, talking about.
Well, the same goes for you, Caroline. We don’t, you know, care how you talk. We’re listening to what you say.
And besides, we always like, found those Boston-ish “ah, ah’s” “um’s” and “you know’s” to be an endearing vocal tic in the family tree; one of those things we, um, you know, really love about the Kennedy clan. Half the fun is just listening to ya’ll talk! (Then again, we’re Texans, so you probably think we like, talk funny too.) Can’t um, take this stuff like, personally, you know.
Hey, it’s like, New Year’s Eve, so cheer up already, world! You know, things aren’t all that glum, you know, even if it kind of um…looks that way right now. The good news is that George W. Bush will be like, GONE in 21 days, so like, um, that’s something to, you know, celebrate. You know?
So go out and have a good time tonight, everybody! Party like it’s the end of an era, because, you know, it is.
Thank God for that!
Wishing you um, all the best in 2009 and like, Happy New Year, you know?